in a waiting room of unanswered prayers.
it seems to me that true life is found in this place; the life that’s on the inside.
the life that we live on the outside is just a ‘show’, a show for people to see. the waiting room is a place of solitude where your emotions and your true self become so real.
live from the inside out.
For a long time, I’ve been waiting for You
You have won my heart, and I am following
For a long time, I’ve been crying out for You
Tears make my heart soft
And I am ready for the return of the Lover
Fashioned from the very fabric of God
At the start of time, set free to decide
I will love You, ’cause You’re the One who loved me first
Just one look from Your eyes
I’m captivated by the eyes of the Lover
Take my heart, my mind and strength too
I was made for loving You
I will wait, and I’ll be faithful
I was made for loving You
Bowing low in the presence of the One
At the end of time, I’ll hear the bells chime for our wedding
It will wait no longer now
Oh how I love You
I’ll finally fall into the arms of the Lover
With all my heart
With all my soul
With all my strength
And all I know
I was made for loving You
“Who is the greatest?”
“Lord, should we command fire to consume them?”
when the disciples asked Jesus, “who is the greatest?”. Jesus replied, “if you all become like little children…”. when the disciples saw the how the samaritan village rejected Jesus. they asked, “Lord, should we command fire to consume them?” Jesus replied, “the son of man did not come to destroy men’s lives but to save them.”
If Christians could be known not for our ‘want’ or desire for political power. If we could be known not for our desire to be the best religion and to arguing with other religions, or condemning them. If we could be known not for our arrogance or pride. If we could be known for our brokenness, our love. If Christians could be known for our genuine and authentic love, loving God and loving one another. Imagine what will the world be like…
Don’t get me wrong, I am saying this in brokenness as well looking at my own life. But… i realized that we’ve preached so many ‘change the world’ messages, trying to inspire people here and there till we forget this. and this thing is called love. the bible says that we are ambassadors of Jesus, we are sons and daughters of God. but i seriously think that we are misrepresenting God, because we have a wrong conception about God and we condemn people in their sin instead of being broken and caring for them. have we forgotten that we were once sinners saved by grace? have we forgotten that we were once lost but found? so, how can we be so arrogant in our attitudes? how can we just flick the poor aside and not care about them?
we have forgotten about repentance, about being in that state of brokenness and so in need of God that we can’t do anything without Him. our Christianity has become so professional. think about the parable of the tax collector and the pharisee. that totally hits my point here.
“All will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another”.
Jesus, make me more like You. :)
exams are near, like tomorrow?!?!
well, amidst of all the so-called stress and studying hard. i’ve been really enjoying God, enjoying being with Him, enjoying being in His presence just worshipping or even doing nothing. it made me realize the true essence of life, of why He created me for. :)
who cares about building a big church or a big ministry? aren’t we all created to love God? loving Him is amazing, seriously amazing. running into the secret place after being tired from all the studying is seriously cool. i pray that you will also get a revelation of this dynamic and wonderful relationship with God that we have. :)
till then, draw near.
why has He not chosen those who were smarter than I?
why did He choose such a proud person like me?
why would the God of the universe look upon me and love me?
why would He open up His heart to me to let me know who He is?
why would He wanna be a Father to someone like me?
tonight, these questions are bothering me (a good extent of course). well, im glad that i don’t need to be a smart alec to know His heart, like some requirements to be with Him. honestly, i can be who i am. His little one, His fool. i actually can be so stupid to know not anything in the world but also still able to know the Father so personally.
i was made for loving Him, i wasn’t made for ministry or building some big house mega-church.
We were made for loving Him.
life has been awesome, really awesome if i can say. am somewhat loving my own room more and more. a place of security, safety and rest. a place where i can simply express myself to Daddy God. a place where i can be alone with Him.
life is really so awesome just having this personal relationship with God. i can’t describe how i feel, it’s unexplainable. it’s joy on the inside of me.
thank You Jesus. :)
only one thing is needed. only one thing has to be desired.
suddenly i am so intrigued by this fact that God chooses the weak. no, now it’s not one of those moments where we say ‘God chooses the weak’ till it becomes a very cliche term.
think about it, God used david amongst his brothers who had great physical stature and all. God chosed gideon, the weakest of the tribe of Israel. God chose the 12 disciples who were fishermen. how can it be so cliche when all over the bible, God has made this fact so real, that He uses the weak to shame the strong? i admit that i sometimes do use my ‘fleshly’ point of view to look at people, to see how much God is going to use them. i read this book by reinhard boonke, he said, “why do make much about a person’s qualification for ministry?’
i am so so so intrigued by this fact, and it certainly isn’t one of those cliche moments. ever since i learnt about brokenness, it has become something so personal and revelational to me. we always make much about a person’s past, see the person’s present by the person’s past, and we ‘judge’ like this.
but i am so wrecked by the fact that God seriously uses the broken, the weak. those who depend totally on Him and none else. most people think that the people who has great bible knowledge, remember all the scriptures in the bible or even the most religious people are the people who know God the best. no, it isn’t these bunch of people who know God, the people who really know God are His sons and daughters. those who live simplicity in God just spending time with God and stuff, those who are after His own heart.
Christianity has been so complicated when it has been made to be so simple actually. we’ve complicated Christianity or even God with doctrines here and there causing divisions in the church and when a person who is so simple in God and so broken comes and speaks, it totally wrecks those whose minds are complicated by doctrines and stuff.
i remember a story that heidi baker said. there was this lady, she failed bible school and everything but when they looked into her records. she had raised 7 people from the dead. this story can summarize my whole point of blogging this. why are we making much of a person’s awards and achievements? yes, i do believe that God wants us to have these. but aren’t we making too much of it that we neglect the simplicity of the Father’s heart and all?
to be honest, i really ain’t broken. i have lots of issues that needs to be broken here and there. but i know for one fact that i need to rely on Him, i really need to because of how weak i am.
so much to blog about 2010 before i sleep, somehow blogging just makes me recall how good God is and how much i can be thankful for :)
this year has been tough, it really has been tough. all the down periods that i faced, thinking that no one cares and stuff. haha, but just recalling it, i’ve seen how much God has done in my life. not just the external outwardly stuff, but how He changed my mindsets, my character and my heart.
somehow, writing all these down makes me feel as if it’s an understatement to God, to how awesome He has been to me. how could i ever thank Him enough for this year?
God has exposed me to love, to what true love is. time and time again, He showed me thru simple little actions that can make a person remember for a lifetime. if i can just define love through what He taught me, all i can say is: “love is seeing the value of a person for who he/she is, not what he/she can give to you or how you can benefit from them”.
humility, brokenness, love. it has been so real to me this year that the closer u are to the Father(God) the more broken u will be in your character. and also, it’s been so real to me that believers all around should be the most broken people around, the people who will love the most. for so long, the world has seen that we believers are fighting for positions, politics and stuff that will make us famous and all. but if people knew us as people who simply just love with no strings attached, i believe that others will really see God in us.
i want to also thank God for one80. for this awesome family that i have and many more good years to come! for some strange reason, after the camp it’s as if i felt so like a family. really feels like a family every time i am with you guys (if you all happen to chance upon this). i love you awesome guys! let’s go love God more and more!
last but not least, i want to thank God for God. sounds stupid uh? haha. thanks for always being there for me, thanks for always hearing me shouting out my stupid complains whenever i am sad or angry. thank you for believing in me and changing the lousy character of me. you’ve changed me so much. i love you Daddy God. i know that i can never thank you enough, but i pray that you will take this little life of mine for you. this year, i have seen how you move in my life in such hidden ways and when i look back seeing the fruits of your ways, it amazes me that someone like me could actually be changed.
2011, i am coming for more. to love God more and to love people more. i know it’s going to be an exciting year, i just know it.